


Weltschmerz

by sapphistication



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Finn has a serious case of Weltschmerz, M/M, Poe is here to make everything better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24404938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphistication/pseuds/sapphistication
Summary: "Weltschmerz" (n.) - "a mood of weariness or sadness about life arising from the acute awareness of evil and suffering" - Frederick C. Beiser“I just,” Finn continued after a while, sounding defeated. “I just don’t see how I have the right to be happy sometimes when there are just so many beings out there who are suffering. How am I allowed to be here, be with you, when I should be out there and helping them.”(Where Poe reminds Finn of the Light that can be found in the Darkness.)
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 19
Kudos: 42





	Weltschmerz

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies!  
> Guess who spent one hour on the internet this morning and then decided that the day sucked? This girl! I honestly don't think I can get anything done today, so obviously I had to put all my thoughts into a FinnPoe fic and introduce you to my favourite word in my language. We Germans know how to find words for things, huh?  
> Anyway, this isn't really what I had planned, but I'm still putting it out here - I hope you like it.  
> And I hope that if you're having a bad day, too, you can find some good things that make you smile <3

Finn wasn’t in the mess when Poe arrived there after a day of Black One maintenance. Hadn’t they agreed to meet here precisely... now? Poe frowned, because it wasn’t like Finn to skip a meal - especially when they had agreed to have dinner together. 

At the conference earlier, Finn had seemed a bit distant, a far-off stare that meant his thoughts might as well have been at the other side of the galaxy.  At the time, Poe hadn’t thought much of it, but now that Finn wasn’t even having dinner with him although he had never missed that before? Yeah, Poe was starting to worry, mentally kicking himself for not checking on Finn earlier. Scrubbing a hand down his face, he sighed and turned on his heels to go look for him. 

He searched their quarters first, but Finn wasn’t there. Or in the hangar, or with any of their friends. In fact, the whole base seemed to be a Finn-free zone, and Poe was really starting to worry, when a thought came to his mind. The briefing room. Finn had been staring at the star-charts earlier with that far-off look in his eyes, a pain behind them that Poe only now recognised. It made sense, and it was also the only place he hadn’t tried yet. 

He took off, running to where he thought Finn would be, desperate to get to him as fast as possible. 

And indeed, there he was. Sitting on the floor of the briefing room, staring at various maps and charts projected above him, looking at various moons and planets and systems that Poe knew only had sad stories to be told these days. And Finn was here staring at them, studying them, like he was trying to make sense of all the pain that was happening in these worlds. 

So lost in them, he hadn’t even noticed Poe arrive, too immersed into these worlds and their injustice. Poe ached when he saw the map switching to the Hosnian System, remembering what happened, remembering the good people he knew who died that day. Who died because of the First Order. That Finn had been a part of. Oh. 

“Finn,” he whispered as he approached him slowly, not wanting to startle him as he sat down right beside him on the ground. He could see Finn’s eyes were filled with tears that refused to roll down his cheeks. Poe's heart broke at that sight, so he took Finn’s hand in his and rested them in his lap. Only then did Finn seem to recognise him. 

When their eyes met, Finn’s were both empty and full of a pain that wasn’t his own, and Poe was absolutely sure he never wanted to see that again. 

“I’m sorry,” Finn said, and that was when Poe’s eyes began to tear up as well. 

“Don’t be,” he whispered and pulled Finn against him, wrapping his arms around the other man and just holding him while Finn buried his face against Poe’s chest. “None of this is your fault. None of what you’re looking at is remotely happening because of you, Finn. You’re here, you’re fighting the good fight. We’re on Ajan Kloss and you’re safe.” He was telling him all of that because he could only guess what was going through Finn’s mind. 

But Finn shook his head. “I know that. I’m not FN, don’t worry.” And Poe felt like shit for it, but he was actually relieved at that. He carded his fingers through Finn’s short hair, scratching at his skull like he knew he loved. Finn melted against him a bit more and Poe couldn’t help the smile on his lips. 

“Tell me what’s going on, love?” 

Again, Finn shook his head, but Poe waited because he knew Finn would speak up sooner rather than later. 

He sniffed. “All of this is happening,” he started, lifting his head a bit to rest it on Poe’s shoulder instead. “We’re here fighting the good fight like the Rebels before us and the Jedi before them, and _still_ all of this is happening. Still Rose grew up in a mining colony. Still people are being killed for no reason other than for people to demonstrate and abuse their powers. Death only for the sake of killing. There are slave trades happening, people like me taken as kids to serve the First Order. We _know_ all of this! We know about all the pain in the Galaxy… but we can’t do anything about it. It won’t stop if we win. Because it’s not just the Order, Poe. It’s too much. There’s just too much pain.” His voice broke and Poe could feel his shoulder getting wet. 

It wasn’t news to him. He knew all those files, the holovids playing, the pictures he was seeing. Hell, it was the reason he was still alive, still going strong, still fighting. The injustice in the whole Galaxy had to be stopped, and he was  _ trying _ . But Finn was right, there was too much happening for them to help everyone. Too much to know where to start, even. Not all of this would stop if they defeated the Order. And he knew that. He just tried not to think about it too much or it would suffocate him. Like it happened with Finn right now. 

So all he could do was hold him tighter and lift his hand to his lips, kissing each of his knuckles. 

“I just,” Finn continued after a while, sounding defeated. “I just don’t see how I have the right to be happy, sometimes, when there are just so many beings out there who are suffering. How am I allowed to be here, be with you, when I should be out there and helping them.” 

Poe shushed him gently. “You can’t take on the weight of the galaxy, Finn. You’re a hero, trying to make a difference. All that pain and suffering was there before us, and it will be there long after us. That is how life goes. You know the Force, Finn. In order for there to be happiness, there needs to be pain. And I’m sorry it hurts you so much, my love.” 

He didn’t have the words. The one time Finn needed a Dameron Speech, Poe didn’t have the words. Because he shared that pain some days, and fought against it on the others. 

He wanted for Finn to stop hurting for every being out there, but he didn’t know how to do that. It was more than survivor’s guilt weighing him down, Poe knew that, but he couldn’t help him. 

“I love you,” he told him instead, because that’s just the universal truth. 

Finn nodded against his shoulder, murmuring something that sounded a lot like “I love you, too.” 

They sat in silence for a while, pictures and charts and maps still open above them, projecting all the bad things in their data banks. There was a detailed report of Poe being held prisoner by the First Order, and he shivered at the thought that Finn had read that again. Studied it. Taken all that pain upon himself. 

He kissed the crown of Finn’s head, an idea started forming in his mind. An idea that looked a lot like BB-8 projecting all their favourite memories of them when Poe woke up screaming and shivering, calming him down in binary, reminding him that in all the darkness, there was light to be found. Maybe he could do that to Finn now, too. 

Looking around, he found the datapad connected to the projectors above them, and switched off the things Finn had opened. Instead, he logged into his personal account and started his own search, his own projections, then asked Finn to look up. 

“See that?” he asked him, pointing at the picture of a woman from decades ago. “That was Commander Iden Versio. She served in the military of the Galactic Empire.” Finn looked at him, alarmed and frowning. “When she was asked to attack innocent people, take the lives of thousands, she defected. Along with Del Meeko, she joined Leia and the Rebels. Man, that woman was… fierce, to say the least. Anyway, she and Del fell in love against all odds, survived the war, and had a daughter. Zay. You haven’t met her, but she’s lovely. Strong. Hot-headed. We get along wonderfully,” he laughed and so did Finn. “Iden and Del died a few years ago, just before we met. They helped us find Skywalker, actually.” 

Finn looked at him, sadness still in his eyes. “Why are you telling me this?” 

“Because this, right there? It’s a good thing. They saved a lot of lives, defected from the Empire because they didn’t want injustice to win. They fell in love, stayed in love, and had Zay. All the pain in the Galaxy couldn’t take that from them, and they died defending what they believed in.” 

Finn didn't say anything, just looked at the projection. He switched to the next picture then, two fathiers on an open field. Finn’s eyes grew big at that one and Poe smiled. 

“You and Rose released them, remember? On Canto Bight? They are free now. Found a herd and settled down, far away from the capitalist in the casino. There are no fathier races on Canto Bight anymore, because _you_ made a difference. It may seem small and insignificant, and sure, it doesn’t bring people from the Hosnian System back. But it’s still a good thing.” 

It went on like that. Poe showing Finn the good things, telling them stories, showing him holovids of himself as a small boy sliding down the seat of his mother’s A-Wing and then throwing a tantrum because he was too small to fly the thing yet. Pictures of Leia, Luke, Han and Chewie. Pictures of Rebels and Resistance Fighters kissing, hugging. Stories of people describing a sunset on a mission report because they lost themselves in the beauty of nature instead of the technicalities of war. Reports of missions going well, of people being saved, of lives being lived. 

Finn was crying now, but there was also a smile on his lips, and he was kissing the back of Poe’s hand over and over. 

Poe’s little slide show ended with a picture of the three of them. Rey and Finn and Poe, in deep conversation, smiles on their faces. Rey’s eyes were huge as Finn was telling a story, and Poe was just looking at him, love and adoration clear in his gaze. He was pretty sure it was Jess who took that picture like the sneaky woman she was. It was his favourite picture of them, and whenever he felt like he couldn’t breathe, he only had to look at it to be reminded that there were good things left in the universe. Good things like love and friendship. Good things like life itself. 

“That’s us,” Finn breathed, sniffling a bit. 

“It is. We’re alive. We’re a good thing, Finn.” It was lame, but true. 

Finn stared at the picture a bit longer, nodding a little, that small smile still in place. Then he attacked Poe with a fierce hug, climbing into his lap and wrapping his arms around him like his life depended on him. Poe was not complaining about that as he wrapped his arms around Finn and held on just as tightly. 

“Thank you,” was all he said, whispering in Poe’s ear, but Poe understood what he meant. It was easy to forget that there were still good things left in the Galaxy. It was easy to get lost in the bad things, to let them suffocate you and let them take the last grain of hope still left in you. 

But there were good things, too, and there would always be good things. It was okay to be overwhelmed by the bad, but it was important to remember that. And he would make sure to remind Finn, to tell him stories, to show him holovids and pictures of all the good things that still happened on a daily basis. 

As they lay in bed that night, the first thing he reminded Finn of was his love. And when Finn, his head resting on Poe’s chest, fingers drawing patterns there, asked him if he could tell him some more stories, he happily complied, making them both smile like the war wasn't happening anymore.  


It was dawn when they finally fell asleep that night, wrapped around each other and in the certainty that the Dark Side would never win. Not completely. Because as long as there was life, there would always be someone telling tales of the Light. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked my little thing! <3 If you can't see the light right now, feel free to find me over on tumblr (@natthemess) and I will tell you tales of the light


End file.
